For as long as I can remember I have been over weight; when I was little it wasn't a problem as pudgy kids are considered cute, but as my age increased so did the numbers on the scale. I was a teenager the first time my mother suggested I attend Weight Watchers; I obliged. I also obliged numerous other times, with various programs. As you can imagine the success was short lived, if their was any at all. I always wanted to be like every other teenager, and college student: eat what you want when you want it. Anyone who has struggled with their weight knows that for us "big boned girls" that just doesn't work. I also wanted to be just like every one else in another way, or at least the every one else I noticed: the skinny girls. While the numbers on the scale went up and down, one thing remained: the view I had of myself. It did not matter that I was a funny or caring person, that I played sports, or had friends that liked me for me; I despised myself solely based on the numbers that registered on my scale, or the ones scrawled onto the tag of my pants. I also despised myself because others made me believe that if I didn't meet their ideals, or do what they expected, I was a disgrace; a failure. To this day when I eat something my mother does not approve of she either tells me I've had too much, or takes it away from me entirely. I can still hear the many voices that tell me, "you'd be pretty if you'd just lose some weight." It has taken me a great deal of time to realize that I am pretty, not because of how I look on the outside, but because of who I am on the inside. Don't let this new found prettiness fool you, I am still very much unhappy with my weight. The difference now is that I am not looking to meet someone else's ideals, or lose weight to fit into some cookie cutter mold; I view weight loss as a means to a healthier life. The other difference is accountability. I have never made weight loss about me, it has always been about what others expected of me. I realize that in order to be successful in this journey I need to be accountable to myself...and let's be honest, I've never been very good at that.
And that is what gave birth to this blog. What better way to keep me accountable to myself, my weight loss journey, and my weight watchers program than to share it with a virtual community of my peers. It is my hope that through this blog I will develop a group of followers, a group of peers, that can offer me support and motivation so that I can finally take the yo-yo out of my journey!!!!
